My Car Accident…

How can I make this story short…

I was taking out the trash, early Tues. morning when out of nowhere my roomates started arguing. I chased them to the car and begged them not to leave. They said GET OUT OF THE WAY. I said WHY, U GONNA HIT ME?

They gunned their engines and I started to move out the way. They hit me directly in the leg anyways. I screamingly asked them to stop and help me. They didn’t. They hit and ran away from the scene.

My leg is now destroyed and I am on a lot of medications because of it. They WILL be involved in a major lawsuit.

Now I don’t know if I will ever walk correctly again. I hope the Nissan that hit me and its passengers get their just desserts.

There, now everyone knows what happened to me.

Don’ t feel sorry for me…please.

-Mikey, Wong_83@hotmail.com

Farewell to Baltimore’s favorite son, Ray Lewis.

“Goodbye, dear king of men.

Farewell, oh, favorite son of Baltimore. We will miss you in the days to come and hopefully when your journey is complete, you will find the meandering path back to the Garden of Eden from which your NFL career sprung.

I for one will not be the same as I gaze upon the familar purple and black of M&T Bank Stadium, the familiar numbers 5 and 2 reflecting brilliantly in the afternoon sunlight nevermore. The proud stance with which the Ravens’ defense carries itself, knowing that it’s stallwart captain is near, forgotten and lost to Father Time.

One day soon, too soon it seems, a man who seems to be made of the same material as legends or myths will disappear into the comfortable and well-deserved archway of retirement. Knowing that our time together runs short, the grains of sand forever climbing walls of glass, brings chills and shivers from out of the blue.

In our many vivid memories is where we Ravens’ faithful will find solace in times of need, remembrance of places and plays long past climb ever closer to the surface of the mind. Hopefully reciprocation will be felt on the end of the purple titan, aching mentally for the sound and touch of those who gazed upon him with wonder and admiration.”

——————-

If you didn’t really understand that, the point of this semi-poem was to show the world exactly how collective Ravens’ fans, including and especially me, feel about losing our Pro-Bowl/All-Pro Linebacker.

We know that time is slipping away from us and we also know the best player on our team since it’s rebirth will NEVER be cut. He will retire on his own terms, of this I am 100% sure.

When the day comes for us to be apart, I will continue to go to the Blue Moon BBQ…Ray-Ray’s famous BBQ restaurant. I will never forget him, even when I am 90 years old, hard of hearing and wheeling around with a colonoscopy bag hanging from the back.

-Mikey, Wong_83@hotmail.com

The glorious place known only as: Burkina Faso

Setting: Sitting down @ my computer sometime in the late afternoon, checking my World News, Football Statistics and Hotmail.

Everyone knows about Junk mail, also known to some people as Spam. These random and often enticing emails are often from E-hawkers, people trying to sell or convince you to buy a variety of miscellanous things online. Some examples of these products/services are:

1. Penis enlargement/Sexual enhancement pills.

2. Credit and debt advisors and programs.

3. Work from home employment opportunities.

4. Programs that teach you how to apply for free grants/loans from the government.

5. Dozens of Porn sites.

6. Perhaps the worst spam of all, the ones that are considered phishing scams.

Now phishing scams are constantly changing but usually revolve around some key points of interest. They almost always try to get some sort of private information out of you, whether its a credit card number, your home address, your likes and dislikes or even your social security number.

To get you to divulge this sensitive information, these emails are often sent in friendly tones or with a beauracratic sense of urgency, either attempting to appeal to your personal or business side.

These emails also have a tendency of being repeated, either from the exact same email address or from different names from the same basic sender. This makes most of these phishing scams pretty easy to identify; unless your completely new to email.

Ok, now that we’ve gone through a quick review, let’s begin.

So basically while sitting around at the computer the other day, I decide to go through my email and clean out some outdated and junk emails. After going through the couple dozen surveys, friend requests and occasional important email in my inbox, I proceed to click on the junk portion of my emails, which turned out to be around 400 or so messages.

The usual suspects were in there, some phishing scams, a few continued education emails (yeah, I should really look into one of those :P), a myriad of different merchants and oh yeah…

ABOUT 30 OR MORE EMAILS FROM A STRANGE AND EXCITING PLACE KNOWN ONLY AS:  BURKINA FASO, AFRICA.

I was dumbfounded. How stupid could I be? All that work in high-school working on world geography and learning different languages and I had never heard of a place called Burkina Faso. Zaire? Sure. South Africa? Egypt?

Yup, Ebola, Sharks, Mummies and Pyramids. No problem.

Well according to these different and often confusing messages from a number of different people that supposedly live near or right in Burkina Faso, these are the only conclusions I could come up with:

1. The Bank of Burkina Faso is perhaps the richest or most illicit bank in the entire world.

2. People are constantly scamming people and using Burkina Faso as a stronghold for their ill-gained rewards.

3. Every single mother, every orphan of a nefarious plan to poison their parents, basically everyone who resides in Burkina Faso has access to millions or billions of dollars they are willing to share with me, for no apparent reason.

4. Burkina Faso MUST be a real place. I just haven’t heard about it. Yet.

5. Burkina Faso IS actually located in Africa. Right where Mongolia touches Zimbabwe (:P).

Now I know it’s a little hard to digest, my dear readers. How is it that none of us have ever heard of this country or place and yet so many people in dire need of western assistance are reaching out to us on the world wide web from there?

Why is it that everyone and their mother (literally), has access to some unfound loophole in the Bank of Burkina Faso’s money laundering program?

Either this is absolutely a real place OR hundreds or thousands of people from around the world have teamed up to scam the online email users of the world with this highly complicated scheme.

If the latter were the case, which I find highly unlikely, what would they be attempting to phish for? What information or monetary gains would they receive in return for tricking us into believing that they really do have 7 million dollars that is just waiting for only me?

I mean it’s really not that bad. I think all I have to do is send them my name, my home address, my sex, my age, my soul and possibly my credit card number(only for security reasons of course) and Ahmed Buijaya will contact me within 3-4 business days to transfer a portion of the money directly into my bank account.

FOR FREE!

That sounds reasonable doesn’t it? I mean really, over the years I probably have received at least 1000 emails from people living or working in Burkina Faso. How could every single one of these people/email addresses be wrong?

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe all of these emails have only been directed to my email address because I am the once and future king.

Of Burkina Faso…

Or maybe I’m just tired and have finally succumb to the nefarious evil plot hatched from the scheming minds of an entire city-state somewhere in the middle of the Zebras, Hyenas and Hippos of the vast Masai grasslands.

“Help me.”

-Mikey, Wong_83@hotmail.com

Random retarded thoughts from restaurant.

Honestly, do any of you really like Kabobs. Like “REALLY” like kabobs, not just “meeeeh, they aite.” Look at it this way, a kabob, by definition, is some variety of meat/vegetable or both typically skewered on the end of a long pointy metal or wooden stick. Some mundane Afghan versions of the kabob include: 1. Kofka ‘bab – ground beef mixed with assorted spices. Hurray, that’s out of the ordinary.  2. Chicken ‘bab – zomgz zomgz, chunks of “chicken” on a stick.  Similar to a satay except imo the satay tastes better and is smaller. 3. Lamb ‘bab – I bet you can guess whats on this stick. 😀

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t HATE kabobs. They are just generic food. Like you eat them when you have nothing better to eat. It’s also pretty expensive to eat kabobs, for some nasty rice with raisins in it, some salad with questionable sauce on it and kabob, it costs like 9-11 bucks. I can eat MAD food at some other place for 9-11 bucks. Or feed a family of 5 at Mcdonalds.

Now I know that in certain places in the world, the kabob is probably a blessing from the gods, especially when you and your family have been starving for 9 months out of the year, and you sacrificed your only pet goat to feed your family. Can you guess what they call that dish? “Goat ‘bab.” It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if you put the chunks of meat on a pointy stick you won’t burn your hands as you pull the prehistoric delicacies out of the fire.

Let me cite you a few examples.

Italian food, in the form that we know it, ie. Pasta, Olive oil, Artisan bread and cheeses, has been around for at LEAST 800 years. Probably closer to 1000 years. That is 1000 years that they have used to make any and all of their favorite dishes into culinary masterpieces that are beloved around the world.

Chinese food, NOT in the form that we know it (here in the US), ie. Spectacular sauces and flavor combinations that are easy to make and even easier to eat, has existed for well over 2500 years. I’m not talking about the sauce you get on your General Tso’s Chicken, exactly, but you get the point. Ever go eat dim sum at a chinese restaurant? I’m talking about marinated chicken feet, buns stuffed with curried chicken or roast pork, tender pan-fried radish cakes and so many different dumplings, each with it’s own special sauce.

So let’s recap. Meat and the occasional small chunk of onion or pepper on a stick or……. AMAZING DUMPLINGS WITH THEIR OWN SAUCE.  Which one would I rather eat? Unless your a barbarian with a club wearing some stinkin’ animal rags, your probably gonna pick choice b.

Now, just for the record, right next door to where I work there is a kabob place and we are very good friends with them. They are not bad people, they are very nice. I have nothing but good things to say about them as friends and people. But ANYONE, EVERYONE, little kids, retarded people, monkeys, whoever knows how to make a kabob. They just don’t call it a kabob, they call it what it is, meat on a long stick. It’s not so much a cuisine as a tool so you do not hurt your fingers in the fire that you use to cook. I think every race and culture has made something like that, close to when we used to have fur and could not speak.  The only difference is that with time, over thousands of years, they seem to be the only race that takes pride in not evolving.

I am sorry my friends, if you are reading this, I ❤ you. No hard feelings, maybe you should think up new ways to cook.